I am bouncing between whether I want it to be a childrens book, or if I want if for an older audience. the premise is the “truth” behind the fairy tales, as told by the fork (Freddy, the gay hairdresser). I think it could be so much more fun targeting an older audience, but difficult to market and actually make money off of…
It just doesn’t seem fair how you’re so quick to forgive and forget, and yet. These things keep me up all night. This relationship is so one-sided it’s scary. I fear its perfection. Having you in my life is something too good to be true. No matter when I fall, or how hard, I can come back to you.
You keep me on track and don’t fault me my mistakes. You’re always so ready to give and me so ready to take. I wrong you time and time again, and all it takes is for me to ask and your forgiveness is instantly granted. How deep your love must be for you to take me as I am. A feat no man seemed able to achieve. Only you could know me and love me.
I’m trying to get there with you. To love you how you love me, but it’s not easy. Before you, I didn’t know love could be so freely given. Bear with me. It’s a journey, but I’m willing to make it. I want to give it all up for you. Even my life, when you decide to take it.
VERY ROUGH 1st draft
Am I my mothers’ Keeper?
Is it really my concern how others treat her?
If she went in a home and the orderlies beat her?
She stood by quietly when I got my lashings from an angry drunk with hate in his heart Jealous and vengeful because I had the face of a man who she once loved A reminder to him that he wasn’t always in control He didn’t always have things go his way But he’s in control now. He takes another drink and smiles. Slowly. He’s In Control Now. The bleeding child that lay crying and limp on the floor no longer mirrors his rival but he strikes again. Because He Can.
Am I my mothers’ Savior?
Should I be taking the responsibility for her behavior?
Doing wrong, telling others it’s ok cause the voices made her?
She didn’t take responsibility for mine all those times I sat holding myself Rocking back and forth Back and forth All the people evaluating me Asking questions I crave to answer, but fearing the look in her her eyes, shy away from They ask her about the possible whens and whys She says she didn’t know. She Lied
Am I my mothers’ Protector?
Is it I who should keep her safe from those who don’t respect her?
Those who, in their care, would ignore her and neglect her?
Afterall, she neglected me. Left me home to care for a family of 3 when I was barely able to reach the stove to fix us something to eat She left me in the care of someone who was known to like children much more than was natural and hushed my protests with threats of abandonment Out more than she was home Putting the wants of an alcoholic abuser over the needs of her kids
Am I my mothers’ Shoulder?
Should I even bother to comfort and hold her?
When she cries asking why I seem to loathe her?
Do I lie and try to soothe her or tell the truth and watch the pain of realization overcome her face It’s not like she was there to comfort me in all my times of need In the situations I endured for her selfishness and greed When I went to her in tears she did nothing to comfort me. She Put Me Further In Harms Way
So, for this I must say, I AM NOT MY MOTHERS KEEPER. I AM NOT HER SAVIOR OR PROTECTOR. I learned as I got older, I DON’T HAVE TO BE HER SHOULDER. And the most important thing learned, though it has taken me a while, SHE WAS NOT A MOTHER, SO I AM NOT HER CHILD.
Following was my comment on the topic in this blog post [ http://sahboog.wordpress.com/2009/06/20/nigger/]
I was just listening to a clip of Jay Z and Oprah discussing this topic on her show the other day. Jay was, obviously, for it to remain in our vocabulary, and Oprah was, again obviously, against it. Jay’s argument was that our generation has removed most of the power from the word and evolved it into something with less hurt behind it, replacing the “er” with “a” or “ah” and using it as a term of endearment. Oprah said, whenever she hears the word, regardless of the context, it made her think of the fact that the word was the last thing black men being lynched would hear coming from the mouth of their oppressors. I can see Oprah’s POV, and I think that is the biggest issue for the older AA generation. It hits very close to home for them because they are not very far removed from the hate that originated the word. For our generation (generally speaking) it isn’t such a big deal since we grew up hearing it as a term used for friends.
As someone who is a melting pot of races (Irish, German, Native American, Puerto Rican, and yes (gasp) African American), I was called every derogatory slur in the book, usually in one sentence. ex: “Get over her you fat little spic, n*gger, b*tch.” (direct quote from both my grandfather and uncle) And being light-skinned and growing up in the hood, I got cracker, whitey, etc. Anywhoo, I had a point. Being someone who has had the term used against me in a demeaning, destructive way, by my own family, I always find it interesting when I run into AAs who have never had the word used against them on a person level get so very “up in arms” about it being used by someone of another race, when it isn’t meant as a racial remark. The biggest argument I hear is “you’ll never fully understand the hurt behind it”. I don’t fault people for not knowing (or bothering to ask) about my own personal experience regarding it, but I find it to be another type of ignorance when those same people will jokingly throw around “cracker” or “spic”, and assume it’s ok. I feel like we, as individuals, continue to give it too much power over how it affects us. Even in looking back at my comment, I realized I never actually typed it out fully, so’s not to offend. And I’m using it as an explanation. Wow.
I know i promised to be more entertaining, but I just watched the Derrion Albert video and seriously gagged. My heart goes out to his loved ones. I will continue to lift them up in my prayers. Just when I think humanity can’t disappoint me any more, something like this happens. Maybe the world coming to an end isn’t such a bad thing.
More parents need to grow up and be parents. You don’t have to like the person u had a baby with, but that should not stop you from being in that childs’ life. I feel like it’s the responsibility of everyone to help raise our youth. We need to get back the “it takes a village” mentality. Parents hug your babies. I’m certainly holding mine. You don’t have to make a child to raise a child. Everyone can make a difference. Whether through fostering, mentoring, or simply catching a pick up game to keep kids off the streets. No ONE solution will fix the mentality our kids are coming up with. It will take for a lot of things to change.
I really really really cannot believe what I just saw. I wish more people would take responsibility rather than giving excuses. I understand that we have it rough, but come on? Placing the blame doesn’t help, either. Just make a change. MAKE A CHANGE. Don’t rant about who’s fault it is, or why if you aren’t trying to do something about it. I can sit here and say/type this because I AM working on a change. I AM in my sons life and teaching him right from wrong. I report stuff. I will snitch in a second because I refuse to let what YOU are doing dwindle the quality of life for ME and MY FAMILY. Just do SOMETHING people. SOMETHING. I’m done. I can’t even think about this anymore. Set the example.
Our lives are like ripples on the water……they extend far beyond our sight and affects others that we may never meet but influence deeply…
So, at this point, I’ve begun and given up on probably 3 blogs. Why? Mostly because I’m lazy and a little fearful of criticism. I love the idea of telling the world what’s on my mind, but hate that the world can tell me back, “So, what? Who cares?”. It’s one thing to be clever and charming on my Facebook, Myspace and even Twitter status, but here, I’m actually expected to expand on those random thoughts and ideas. People are looking to be entertained. The internet is a big place and our kind has become impatient. If I don’t catch em in the first couple of sentences, they move it along. I’ve probably lost 75% of the people who stopped to glance. So, if you’ve stayed with me this long, thanks and I promise to be more entertaining next post.
Another thing about blogging and writing in general- I have lots and lots of experiences and friends with experiences. Many of these would prove helpful to others, but I’m not so sure those friends would appreciate it. So, until I figure out how to present the without disclosing too much, they’ll remain in the mixture of “hypothetical situations”.
(Quick thanks to Sah for pushing for me to have a blog. [http://sahboog.wordpress.com] [http://www.sahril.com] See that support? Google him )
