Am I My Mothers’ Keeper?
VERY ROUGH 1st draft
Am I my mothers’ Keeper?
Is it really my concern how others treat her?
If she went in a home and the orderlies beat her?
She stood by quietly when I got my lashings from an angry drunk with hate in his heart Jealous and vengeful because I had the face of a man who she once loved A reminder to him that he wasn’t always in control He didn’t always have things go his way But he’s in control now. He takes another drink and smiles. Slowly. He’s In Control Now. The bleeding child that lay crying and limp on the floor no longer mirrors his rival but he strikes again. Because He Can.
Am I my mothers’ Savior?
Should I be taking the responsibility for her behavior?
Doing wrong, telling others it’s ok cause the voices made her?
She didn’t take responsibility for mine all those times I sat holding myself Rocking back and forth Back and forth All the people evaluating me Asking questions I crave to answer, but fearing the look in her her eyes, shy away from They ask her about the possible whens and whys She says she didn’t know. She Lied
Am I my mothers’ Protector?
Is it I who should keep her safe from those who don’t respect her?
Those who, in their care, would ignore her and neglect her?
Afterall, she neglected me. Left me home to care for a family of 3 when I was barely able to reach the stove to fix us something to eat She left me in the care of someone who was known to like children much more than was natural and hushed my protests with threats of abandonment Out more than she was home Putting the wants of an alcoholic abuser over the needs of her kids
Am I my mothers’ Shoulder?
Should I even bother to comfort and hold her?
When she cries asking why I seem to loathe her?
Do I lie and try to soothe her or tell the truth and watch the pain of realization overcome her face It’s not like she was there to comfort me in all my times of need In the situations I endured for her selfishness and greed When I went to her in tears she did nothing to comfort me. She Put Me Further In Harms Way
So, for this I must say, I AM NOT MY MOTHERS KEEPER. I AM NOT HER SAVIOR OR PROTECTOR. I learned as I got older, I DON’T HAVE TO BE HER SHOULDER. And the most important thing learned, though it has taken me a while, SHE WAS NOT A MOTHER, SO I AM NOT HER CHILD.
